Financial Infidelity in a Marriage

 Seems that cheating on a spouse no longer simply means dating another person. Infidelity in marriage can be monetary as well, and while a 2005 study conducted by Redbook magazine and lawyers.com showed that nearly all (96%) of people surveyed felt that the responsibility of being honest about finances rested with both partners, nearly one in three had lied to a partner about finances.

I am always reminded of my best friend (love you!) and her husband. I will call my best friend Shopper for privacy reasons.

Shopper has been married to her husband for about seven years now. They have had some financial difficulties during the course of their relationship, and by this I mean that they have struggled with almost bankruptcy, fighting to keep the electric on, and so forth.

Shopper will confess that both parties are irresponsible in terms of money: not paying bills on time, not knowing what is in the bank, and splurging on items when instead they should be saving.

So, Shopper and husband have gotten things together pretty well over the last few years. They've paid off some debt, paid off their car notes, and are in better shape than they have been for quite some time.

However, Shopper still loves to, well you guessed it, shop.

This girl is the Queen of Shopping. She can hit a store, blow through it in twenty minutes, and walk out with her arms filled and her wallet a few hundred bucks lighter.

I, on the other hand, have difficulty spending $25 on a pair of shoes, even if their original price was over $100.

So I am always excited, and a little nauseous, when Shopper shares her shopping expedition stories with me.

Stories such as this: She stopped in at the mall just to buy an ice cream and walk around a bit. When she left she had a few bags under her arms and her charge card was $200 in debt. She got home, shoved the clothes in the back of the closet, and didn't wear them for a few weeks. Then she brought out one piece at a time over the course of several more weeks, so that if her husband did notice something new he didn't notice them all at one time. When he asked her if she was wearing a new shirt she said yes, her mother had given it to her.

According to this article on MSN, financial infidelity can lead to a slew of other problems, and can signal even deeper issues in a relationship.

Think about it: If a person lies about spending and the spouse finds out, what type of trust issues will be a result of the unknowing spouse learning about the secret?

Also, if money is coming out of a joint account, eventually the other spouse will probably figure out what is going on-especially if he or she notices some new purchases, such as a Playstation or a new pair of running shoes. If that joint account money was to be used for bills or debts, this can create a lot of friction in the home.

On the other hand, if you are working and have your own bank account, all bills are paid and you are not putting your family in jeopardy with your spending, what's so wrong about going out and buying a new pair of shoes and keeping this purchase to yourself (or, would you need to keep it to yourself if there was no problem with your spending?)

My question to you is this: Do you think it is okay to withhold information about your spending if that spending is somewhat significant? Or should this be a situational question-if you have the money and there are no financial issues it is not a problem but if you do not have the money and you are spending what little the family has and needs it is a problem?